Cancer Horrorscope: 21 June – 23 July

You are sympathetic and understanding of other people’s problems. They think you are a sucker.

You are always putting things off; that’s why you’ll never make anything of yourself.

Most welfare recipients are Cancerians.

Our Horrorscopes collection is based on a fax that went round in the 80s.

*Poetic licence used to mangle the original (unknown) author’s work.

For the avid bookworms out there, our cancer bookmark is made of robust aluminium, so won’t bend and buckle, with a top slot to hold single pages in place.