Virgo Horrorscope: 23 July – 23 August

You are the logical type and hate disorder.

This constant nit-picking is sickening to your friends.

You are cold and unemotional and sometimes fall asleep while making love.

Virgos would make good bus drivers if they weren’t narcoleptic.

Our Horrorscopes collection is based on a fax that went round in the 80s.

*Poetic licence used to mangle the original (unknown) author’s work.

For the avid bookworms out there, our bookmarks are made of robust aluminium, so won’t bend and buckle, with a top slot to hold single pages in place.